Fear of Failure

I usually don’t rant or ramble on about my personal life. I don’t think there are too many people interested in a wanna-be babbling about how much he wants to be a professional artist. But I figure as much as I like reading other peoples blogs that maybe there is someone out there that would enjoy reading mine, right?

I have been working for my family at a car dealership for 8 years. As many horrible stories that I can tell you about working at a small used car dealership in a town over run by drugs and poverty, I will refrain from doing so. All that I will say is,  I have many reasons to work as hard as I possibly can to move forward in to the next part of my life.

At first, my artwork was a mental escape from the stress of running a business that was always on the brink of collapse. Painting has always been a huge part of my life, and always will be. Now my artwork has become a realistic, tangible escape from this place. The closer I get to the day I get to leave this job behind and start my career as an illustrator-the more frustrating being here gets.

I am not an amazing artist like the ones I aspire to be. But I do believe my work is worth being seen, and that every painting I finish is better than the last. I have done multiple jobs for book publishers, magazines, and video game designers. All of them were happy with the quality of work and the time frame it was completed in. Words cannot describe how amazing it feels to hear that someone is interested in the work that you care so deeply about, and that they would like to give you their hard earned money to have you create something for them. I know in my heart that this is what I am supposed to do.

I have saved up all of the money I can, and decided to walk away from the car dealership, to work as a full time freelancer. It’s a strange feeling, as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, but a feeling of fear as well. Fear of failure. I’ve saved up enough money to live off of for the next 3-4 months while I concentrate on finding more commissions or a full-time job. I know that with enough faith in the Lord and a whole lot of effort, I will succeed in reaching my goals. Hopefully at least one person reads this and gets some type of inspiration, or at least the comfort in knowing that there are others out there working their butts off to follow their dreams. Remember to not let fear hold you back, because failure is just another step closer to success. God bless you and have a wonderful day.

3 thoughts on “Fear of Failure

  1. I loved hearing you speak out of your heart Jonathan. I believe in you and in your artistic abilities I also think that you should share your art with all who will benefit from it. I know that I have always admired you for who you are‼️I pray you will prosper and be in good health. Love mom

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  2. Thanks Jonathan, this is something I needed to hear. I took an exit package from the company I worked with June last year. I was ok for the most part but there are times when I feel that I’m nearing the end of my rope. Then the Lord just comes through and says “here have some more rope”. It’s not what I expected, but it’s there: more rope.

    The balance of life can take a toll. Just today I had to ask a client for an extension on the deadline. It’s harder to ask for it when thee client is a friend of mine. I haven’t heard from him yet but I’m rolling with whatever comes.

    There will be days, like this I suppose, where things seem pretty muddled. However, if there’s one thing I’m sure about is that if you ask for more rope, there will be more rope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s comforting to know that others are going through the same struggles. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post, it’s not normal for me to open up about my personal life. But I have to say it felt great. And I’ll be counting on that extra rope.

      Liked by 1 person

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